It's been an uncertain past few weeks, but I'm glad to say my mom will be fine.  After weeks of consulting with our doctor about her mammogram and finally getting her biopsy results, the medical professionals say she has a malignant (cancerous) lump the size of a jellybean on her breast.

But the time inbetween to wait, that was difficult to see my mom go through. I became sad when I saw her enter the bathroom with tears.  I never saw my mom cry before. I told her that a few of my friends' moms did survive cancer, especially when the cancer was detected early like in her case. My mom had reason to be frightened - her mom died of breast cancer, a topic she doesn't talk about.  It was only a few days ago that she felt relieved to tell me the facts and her feelings.

My mom told me she is scheduled to undergo a lumpectomy, a simple operation that removes the self-contained lump and a bit of the surrounding tissue. After, she will receive radiation treatments and her lymph nodes will be tested as a precaution. 

My mom said she noticed that one of her armpits stopped perspiring in the past few years.  This could have been an indication that the toxins couldn't be released and became blocked in the milk duct. Therefore, forming the beginnings of the lump.  Also, during her periods, she noticed that particular area became very sore. However, what was most frustrating and revealing was talking to our doctor. Although our doctor is nice, she quickly dismissed my mother's theories about these strange shifts in her body.  It just wasn't in the medical bible.

In university, I did take a course on Healing, Health and Religion which examines cross-cultural perspectives on how they view the body in relation to illness/disease. The Western model sees the illness as a foreign attacker, where the body and illness are at war.  In contrast, a Hollistic model sees illness entering the body as an imbalance in the body, where harmony in health needs to be restored.  I don't think one model is more superior than the other, but I wish that more medical doctors would take a more human side in calming concerns.  Their studying has trained some of them to distance themselves from the patient and to see  the body as an object.  An object to be dissected, problem-solved and  to ATTACK ALL THE VIRUSES! Their scientific method may be efficient and authoritative through proper medical language, but sometimes... emotionally and mentally, a patient needs to be seen as a human too to aid their physical recovery.

About a week ago, I was rejected from the Masters Program in Occupational Therapy. Through this recession and my bad timing, 640 applicants applied, but only 86-89 could be accepted.  Seriously, I was THIS close to getting in since they phoned my references.  I was disappointed for a couple of days. 

However, my attitude towards handling rejection has softened.  I'm usually the hardest and most critical on myself, feeling that I may never be good enough.  Now, I believe one has to look at the whole picture, rather than focusing on the short term. You take and make opportunities as they come, and definitely keep trying.

My dreams may not be fully realized yet as I'm not sure if occupational therapy is the right fit for me.  Emotionally and mentally, I waited two years to grow more stable in these categories.  As they say, you need to take care of yourself before taking on others.

I dabbled in television for several months before suddenly realizing that maybe health is more of my calling.  I tend to look for signs in life to confirm what my path should be.  On location one day, I had to help a woman with multiple sclerosis organize her house (for a show about cleaning houses).  I felt such patience and warmth towards her, and I knew she truly appreciated it.  I live for those feelings.  Other than that, I've always been attracted to health as it pertains to the inner and outer development of a person (eg. emotional well-being, spirituality, fitness and nutrition, creative expression, etc).  Everything I've done up to this point brings me back to these themes. 

My greatest fear right now would be if this isn't for me.  Because then, I don't currently have any other ideas to what to pursue in life.  I might sell out in finding an office job and forever lose my soul (omg please no!)  

This rejection asks me if I'm serious about this career. To answer this, I will look into volunteer, job shadowing or even helping with administrative tasks for an OT for September. Even if I had to apply a few times, but I gained more experience and know in my heart this is it, I will be so prepared that no one will reject me!

++++ UPDATE: Thanks so much for everyone's support!  I have such great readers. Guess what? I've been job shadowing a few times.  At my grandparent's house, I had the opportunity to observe an OT, who was conducting a home safety assessment for my grandpa that has Parkinson's.  She's installed an elevated toilet seat, special chair for the shower and a grab bar for the bed to help him with transfers.  Tennis balls were inserted on the ends of his walker to help him glide instead of exerting more effort to move.  Today, the OT taught him how to do various hand exercises with putty to strengthen his grip.

Last Thursday, I visited a hospital.  I job shadowed four OTs in different areas: orthopedics (hip/knee injuries), medicine/surgery and hand therapy.  I watched as they interviewed patients on their physical/mental conditions, how they conducted cognitive assessments and taught them hand exercises.  Their dispositions were similar to mine: enthusiastic, helpful, patient, understanding, knowledgeable/informative and intuitive.  I enjoyed watching their interactions and the fact that they could work with so many types of equipment and tools.  I will continue job shadowing, and I shall keep bugging my volunteer coordinator about matching me with an OT related experience.